Michigan State University Press, 2021 eISBN: 978-1-62895-444-9 | Paper: 978-1-61186-402-1 Library of Congress Classification PS3601.P64F56 2021 Dewey Decimal Classification 811.6
ABOUT THIS BOOK | AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY | REVIEWS | TOC | REQUEST ACCESSIBLE FILE
ABOUT THIS BOOK In late April 2017, Laura Apol’s twenty-six-year-old daughter, Hanna, took her own life. Apol had long believed in the therapeutic possibilities of writing, having conducted workshops on writing-for-healing for more than a decade. Yet after Hanna’s death, she had her own therapeutic writing to do, turning her anguish, disbelief, and love into poems that map the first year of loss. This collection is the result of that writing, giving voice to grief as it is lived, moment by moment, memory by memory, event by event. While most writing about loss does so from a distance, Apol chooses instead to write from inside those days and months and seasons, allowing readers to experience alongside the poet the moments, the questions, and the deep longings that shape the first grief-year.
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY LAURA APOL is the author of several collections of poetry, including Falling into Grace; Crossing the Ladder of Sun; Requiem, Rwanda; and Nothing but the Blood, winner of the 2019 Oklahoma Book Award for poetry and the 2019 Independent Publisher Award silver medal for poetry. She currently serves as the poet laureate for the Lansing area in mid-Michigan.
REVIEWS
This collection of poems hangs together brilliantly, each poem standing alone but building on the one that went before and the one that follows. Anyone who loves poetry will love this book. Anyone who has lost a child will seek it out. Any human who has felt grief or fears the grief to come will find this book a balm and a revelation.—Lorna Crozier, author of Through the Garden: A Love Story (with Cats)
This is a poet whose craft is subtle, who writes poems of exceptional gravity and beauty. This is a courageous book, and what the poet has had to walk through, to live through, in order to write this book took a kind of bravery, a kind of nerve, few could imagine.—Todd Davis, author of Native Species
These poems are both urgent and necessary, speaking to all of us, not just to mourners. They are hard poems, without easy consolation, urging us to love the world in spite of its unspeakable sorrow. The best poetry can tear your heart into shreds, but it can also mend it again, and that’s what Laura Apol is doing here. These are poems I will return to, again and again.—Barbara Crooker, author of Some Glad Morning
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Contents
Preface
The Little Mermaid
When It All Seems Too Much
Bipolar
Onsra
Homing
Too Late
On Returning from Holland, I Find a Lone Tulip in My Garden
Revision
The Funeral Director Asks
Lullaby
Instructions for the Friends Who Are Sorting My Daughter’s Things This Afternoon
Hers
Patient Stone
The Fox
First Mother’s Day after Her Death
Persephone
Of the Heart
Birth Mark
Betrayal
Dream in Which My Daughter Forgives
Protection
Seaglass
The Baby
Eclipse
End of the Motherline
Flight
Elephant Ears
Shooting
Sleeping Beauty
River of Oblivion
Prayer on Opening Day
Felo De Se
First Thanksgiving without Her
Only Bone
Grief
Pearls
First Christmas without Her
Wound
I Rent a Room in Victoria
Gestation
As If
Metamorphosis
Her Father
Grooming
The Breaking
Last Entry
The Cruelest Month
Ash Wednesday
Easter Morning
One Turn from Silence
Who Speaks with Angels
Evensong
Coming Home to the River
And on
A Pause in an All-Day Rain
Author’s Note
Acknowledgments
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Michigan State University Press, 2021 eISBN: 978-1-62895-444-9 Paper: 978-1-61186-402-1
In late April 2017, Laura Apol’s twenty-six-year-old daughter, Hanna, took her own life. Apol had long believed in the therapeutic possibilities of writing, having conducted workshops on writing-for-healing for more than a decade. Yet after Hanna’s death, she had her own therapeutic writing to do, turning her anguish, disbelief, and love into poems that map the first year of loss. This collection is the result of that writing, giving voice to grief as it is lived, moment by moment, memory by memory, event by event. While most writing about loss does so from a distance, Apol chooses instead to write from inside those days and months and seasons, allowing readers to experience alongside the poet the moments, the questions, and the deep longings that shape the first grief-year.
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY LAURA APOL is the author of several collections of poetry, including Falling into Grace; Crossing the Ladder of Sun; Requiem, Rwanda; and Nothing but the Blood, winner of the 2019 Oklahoma Book Award for poetry and the 2019 Independent Publisher Award silver medal for poetry. She currently serves as the poet laureate for the Lansing area in mid-Michigan.
REVIEWS
This collection of poems hangs together brilliantly, each poem standing alone but building on the one that went before and the one that follows. Anyone who loves poetry will love this book. Anyone who has lost a child will seek it out. Any human who has felt grief or fears the grief to come will find this book a balm and a revelation.—Lorna Crozier, author of Through the Garden: A Love Story (with Cats)
This is a poet whose craft is subtle, who writes poems of exceptional gravity and beauty. This is a courageous book, and what the poet has had to walk through, to live through, in order to write this book took a kind of bravery, a kind of nerve, few could imagine.—Todd Davis, author of Native Species
These poems are both urgent and necessary, speaking to all of us, not just to mourners. They are hard poems, without easy consolation, urging us to love the world in spite of its unspeakable sorrow. The best poetry can tear your heart into shreds, but it can also mend it again, and that’s what Laura Apol is doing here. These are poems I will return to, again and again.—Barbara Crooker, author of Some Glad Morning
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Contents
Preface
The Little Mermaid
When It All Seems Too Much
Bipolar
Onsra
Homing
Too Late
On Returning from Holland, I Find a Lone Tulip in My Garden
Revision
The Funeral Director Asks
Lullaby
Instructions for the Friends Who Are Sorting My Daughter’s Things This Afternoon
Hers
Patient Stone
The Fox
First Mother’s Day after Her Death
Persephone
Of the Heart
Birth Mark
Betrayal
Dream in Which My Daughter Forgives
Protection
Seaglass
The Baby
Eclipse
End of the Motherline
Flight
Elephant Ears
Shooting
Sleeping Beauty
River of Oblivion
Prayer on Opening Day
Felo De Se
First Thanksgiving without Her
Only Bone
Grief
Pearls
First Christmas without Her
Wound
I Rent a Room in Victoria
Gestation
As If
Metamorphosis
Her Father
Grooming
The Breaking
Last Entry
The Cruelest Month
Ash Wednesday
Easter Morning
One Turn from Silence
Who Speaks with Angels
Evensong
Coming Home to the River
And on
A Pause in an All-Day Rain
Author’s Note
Acknowledgments
REQUEST ACCESSIBLE FILE
If you are a student who cannot use this book in printed form, BiblioVault may be able to supply you
with an electronic file for alternative access.
Please have the accessibility coordinator at your school fill out this form.
It can take 2-3 weeks for requests to be filled.
ABOUT THIS BOOK | AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY | REVIEWS | TOC | REQUEST ACCESSIBLE FILE