Confessions of a Gay Priest: A Memoir of Sex, Love, Abuse, and Scandal in the Catholic Seminary
by Tom Rastrelli
University of Iowa Press, 2020 Paper: 978-1-60938-709-9 | eISBN: 978-1-60938-710-5 Library of Congress Classification BX4668.3.R36A3 2020 Dewey Decimal Classification 282.092
ABOUT THIS BOOK | AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY | REVIEWS | TOC | REQUEST ACCESSIBLE FILE
ABOUT THIS BOOK
Tom Rastrelli is a survivor of clergy-perpetrated sexual abuse who then became a priest in the early days of the Catholic Church’s ongoing scandals. Confessions of a Gay Priest divulges the clandestine inner workings of the seminary, providing an intimate and unapologetic look into the psychosexual and spiritual dynamics of celibacy and lays bare the “formation” system that perpetuates the cycle of abuse and cover-up that continues today.
Under the guidance of a charismatic college campus minister, Rastrelli sought to reconcile his homosexuality and childhood sexual abuse. When he felt called to the priesthood, Rastrelli began the process of “priestly discernment.” Priests welcomed him into a confusing clerical culture where public displays of piety, celibacy, and homophobia masked a closeted underworld in which elder priests preyed upon young recruits.
From there he ventured deeper into the seminary system seeking healing, hoping to help others, and striving not to live a double life. Trained to treat sexuality like an addiction, he and his brother seminarians lived in a world of cliques, competition, self-loathing, alcohol, hidden crushes, and closeted sex. Ultimately, the “formation” intended to make Rastrelli a compliant priest helped to liberate him.
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY Tom Rastrelli is director of digital communications at Willamette University. He lives in Salem, Oregon.
REVIEWS
“In demanding celibacy and damning homosexuality, the Catholic Church condemns legions of its best and brightest priests to lives of hypocrisy and shame. Rastrelli recounts his struggle with heart, wit, and courage. The Church’s loss is literature’s gain.”—Mary Roach, author, Grunt: The Curious Science of Humans at War
— Mary Roach
“Tom Rastrelli is a gifted writer whose personal journey is insightful and enormously important. Confessions of a Gay Priest is a riveting, powerful book, rich in detail and deeply relevant to the times we live in. It exposes painful truths that must be told. Read it.”—Michelangelo Signorile, author, It’s Not Over: Getting Beyond Tolerance, Defeating Homophobia, and Winning True Equality
— Michelangelo Signorile
“Tom Rastrelli’s brave, candid, self-critical memoir is part of a great tradition of spiritual autobiographies, from St. Augustine’s Confessions to Thomas Merton’s The Seven Storey Mountain. Tom’s story differs from theirs because of his time and place. But he shares with them a commitment to honesty and to understanding the meaning of faith. This is an often beautiful, sometimes shocking, always important book.”—M. G. Lord, author, The Accidental Feminist: How Elizabeth Taylor Raised Our Consciousness and We Were Too Distracted by Her Beauty to Notice
— M. G. Lord
“Rastrelli’s carefully observed testimony speaks real truth to power. I am amazed by his ability to navigate a traumatic emotional landscape with such grace. This book is an essential document for the Church’s many victims of abuse.”—Garrard Conley, author, Boy Erased
— Garrard Conley
“Tom Rastrelli is that unique blend of courage and talent, a remarkable personal story to tell, a passionate voice, and a sharp, skillful pen with which to fashion the tale.”—Janet Fitch, author, Chimes of a Lost Cathedral
— Janet Fitch
“This forceful memoir will immerse readers in the strain of priesthood and the difficulties of living a double life.”—Publishers Weekly
— Publishers Weekly
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Contents
Prologue
Part I: St. Stephen, The First Christian Martyr, Patron Saint of Stonemasons, 1994–96
Audition
An Actor Prepares
Acting Is Believing
Freeing the Natural Voice
Genesis
A Place at the Table
By Way of the Heart
Confessions
The Cloud of Unknowing
Urgent Longings
In Praise of Folly
The Seven Storey Mountain
Part II: St. Pius X, Pope, Patron Saint of First Communicants and Pilgrims, 1996–98
The Consolation of Philosophy
A Theology of Liberation
The Long Loneliness
Part III: St. Mary, Mother of God, Patron Saint of Crusaders, Needle and Pin Makers, and Virgins, 1998–2002
Interior Castle
The Rule of Life
Codependent No More
The Road Less Traveled
The Theology of the Body: Human Love in the Divine Plan
Spiritual Exercises
Letting Go: The Spirituality of Subtraction
The Changing Face of Priesthood
The Wild Man’s Journey
Gaudium et Spes
Part IV: St. Jude, the Apostle, Patron Saint of Lost Causes, 2002–3
The Holy Longing
The First Five Years of Priesthood
The Wounded Healer
Quickening the Fire in Our Midst
Part V: Resurrection, 2003–4
Sacred Silence
Homosexuality in the Church
Boys Like Us
Becoming a Man
Now That I’m Out, What Do I Do?
The End of the Affair
Part VI: Beautiful Child, 2019
Epilogue:We Are the Champions
REQUEST ACCESSIBLE FILE
If you are a student who cannot use this book in printed form, BiblioVault may be able to supply you
with an electronic file for alternative access.
Please have the accessibility coordinator at your school fill out this form.
Confessions of a Gay Priest: A Memoir of Sex, Love, Abuse, and Scandal in the Catholic Seminary
by Tom Rastrelli
University of Iowa Press, 2020 Paper: 978-1-60938-709-9 eISBN: 978-1-60938-710-5
Tom Rastrelli is a survivor of clergy-perpetrated sexual abuse who then became a priest in the early days of the Catholic Church’s ongoing scandals. Confessions of a Gay Priest divulges the clandestine inner workings of the seminary, providing an intimate and unapologetic look into the psychosexual and spiritual dynamics of celibacy and lays bare the “formation” system that perpetuates the cycle of abuse and cover-up that continues today.
Under the guidance of a charismatic college campus minister, Rastrelli sought to reconcile his homosexuality and childhood sexual abuse. When he felt called to the priesthood, Rastrelli began the process of “priestly discernment.” Priests welcomed him into a confusing clerical culture where public displays of piety, celibacy, and homophobia masked a closeted underworld in which elder priests preyed upon young recruits.
From there he ventured deeper into the seminary system seeking healing, hoping to help others, and striving not to live a double life. Trained to treat sexuality like an addiction, he and his brother seminarians lived in a world of cliques, competition, self-loathing, alcohol, hidden crushes, and closeted sex. Ultimately, the “formation” intended to make Rastrelli a compliant priest helped to liberate him.
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY Tom Rastrelli is director of digital communications at Willamette University. He lives in Salem, Oregon.
REVIEWS
“In demanding celibacy and damning homosexuality, the Catholic Church condemns legions of its best and brightest priests to lives of hypocrisy and shame. Rastrelli recounts his struggle with heart, wit, and courage. The Church’s loss is literature’s gain.”—Mary Roach, author, Grunt: The Curious Science of Humans at War
— Mary Roach
“Tom Rastrelli is a gifted writer whose personal journey is insightful and enormously important. Confessions of a Gay Priest is a riveting, powerful book, rich in detail and deeply relevant to the times we live in. It exposes painful truths that must be told. Read it.”—Michelangelo Signorile, author, It’s Not Over: Getting Beyond Tolerance, Defeating Homophobia, and Winning True Equality
— Michelangelo Signorile
“Tom Rastrelli’s brave, candid, self-critical memoir is part of a great tradition of spiritual autobiographies, from St. Augustine’s Confessions to Thomas Merton’s The Seven Storey Mountain. Tom’s story differs from theirs because of his time and place. But he shares with them a commitment to honesty and to understanding the meaning of faith. This is an often beautiful, sometimes shocking, always important book.”—M. G. Lord, author, The Accidental Feminist: How Elizabeth Taylor Raised Our Consciousness and We Were Too Distracted by Her Beauty to Notice
— M. G. Lord
“Rastrelli’s carefully observed testimony speaks real truth to power. I am amazed by his ability to navigate a traumatic emotional landscape with such grace. This book is an essential document for the Church’s many victims of abuse.”—Garrard Conley, author, Boy Erased
— Garrard Conley
“Tom Rastrelli is that unique blend of courage and talent, a remarkable personal story to tell, a passionate voice, and a sharp, skillful pen with which to fashion the tale.”—Janet Fitch, author, Chimes of a Lost Cathedral
— Janet Fitch
“This forceful memoir will immerse readers in the strain of priesthood and the difficulties of living a double life.”—Publishers Weekly
— Publishers Weekly
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Contents
Prologue
Part I: St. Stephen, The First Christian Martyr, Patron Saint of Stonemasons, 1994–96
Audition
An Actor Prepares
Acting Is Believing
Freeing the Natural Voice
Genesis
A Place at the Table
By Way of the Heart
Confessions
The Cloud of Unknowing
Urgent Longings
In Praise of Folly
The Seven Storey Mountain
Part II: St. Pius X, Pope, Patron Saint of First Communicants and Pilgrims, 1996–98
The Consolation of Philosophy
A Theology of Liberation
The Long Loneliness
Part III: St. Mary, Mother of God, Patron Saint of Crusaders, Needle and Pin Makers, and Virgins, 1998–2002
Interior Castle
The Rule of Life
Codependent No More
The Road Less Traveled
The Theology of the Body: Human Love in the Divine Plan
Spiritual Exercises
Letting Go: The Spirituality of Subtraction
The Changing Face of Priesthood
The Wild Man’s Journey
Gaudium et Spes
Part IV: St. Jude, the Apostle, Patron Saint of Lost Causes, 2002–3
The Holy Longing
The First Five Years of Priesthood
The Wounded Healer
Quickening the Fire in Our Midst
Part V: Resurrection, 2003–4
Sacred Silence
Homosexuality in the Church
Boys Like Us
Becoming a Man
Now That I’m Out, What Do I Do?
The End of the Affair
Part VI: Beautiful Child, 2019
Epilogue:We Are the Champions
REQUEST ACCESSIBLE FILE
If you are a student who cannot use this book in printed form, BiblioVault may be able to supply you
with an electronic file for alternative access.
Please have the accessibility coordinator at your school fill out this form.
It can take 2-3 weeks for requests to be filled.
ABOUT THIS BOOK | AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY | REVIEWS | TOC | REQUEST ACCESSIBLE FILE